Mama don't cook: cheese wheels of the internet and other miscellany

Like the husky bobblehead (DO NOT SHAVE HUSKIES PLSTHX)

Today a thunderstorm rolled by while I was teleworking and I hiked open the blinds for a better view and promptly ripped them down, breaking multiple parts. Yikes!

Normal people: Oh wow, I guess these cheap, plastic blinds have gotten brittle with age. No wonder it snapped. Time for a new set.

Me: Why spend $7.49 on new blinds?? Nothing a little duct tape can’t fix!

It was more about avoiding a store, however, not saving money. Last week I spent $28 to have muffin mix delivered just to avoid having to visit the supermarket. One of my best girlfriends came home from the hospital and her one, tiny wish was for bran muffins.

Some people have baking ingredients at hand, like water and flour and baking soda. Those people are like magicians to me. I don’t even know what most of those things DO when mixed together, let alone attempt to recreate it. If cooking is going to happen, it needs to be as easy as possible. Not only do I need a mix, but ideally, must obtain it without having to interact with anyone. TOTALLY worth the delivery fee.

I HAVE been inside a supermarket, however. ONCE. I blacked out so I don’t remember it but here is photographic evidence:

However, apparently the trek was unnecessary and I have quickly corrected my missteps, ordering all food online ever since.

Don’t be fooled by this photo, thinking you have to visit a store in-person to obtain a block of dairy magnificence that large. Did you know you can buy a cheese wheel for $2,750 on Amazon?

Yes, we are in the wrong business, my friend.

The comments are hilarious:

“I managed to feed my family of six for well over three months off of this single wheel of cheese. Highly recommended and would do it again.”

“Accidentally clicked buy it now. When it showed up at my door I was to tempted to nibble and my knees buckled. I had to take out a second mortgage and my kid didn’t get new Lebrons for Christmas but this cheese is great!”

“…The surge of life was undeniable and the essence of the cheese overwhelmed my soul, taking me on a spirit walk that changed my life forever. All secrets of the cosmos were revealed unto me and I saw forever…”

“After eating this cheese, i could feel the universe spinning around me. And that was only one bite! After gorging on the whole wheel, i ascended into an immortal state. 10/10 would buy again if i had a physical body.”

Speaking of cheese, did you know Cheetoh’s has special new packaging with a blank spot so parents can write nice notes to their kids? I decided to use this space to work on my logo:

Needs a little more practice to achieve the same depth of expression in the original (an actual representation of my stomach when I am hungry):

Sometimes things can never be fully replicated.

Two last things. I was skimming the headlines today and could not help but notice:

(Happily, this was not a scandalous event; the police department themselves posted the video which is linked from the article. Yeehaw!)

Last thing. I stumbled across this husky bobblehead. I had a husky once — you do not shave them! Please spread the word. Photographic evidence should convert any disbelievers:

‘Nite!

xo,
H