Tubing in Florida waters... does that sound safe to you??

True story. One time I was packing to visit a girlfriend in Florida and she called, super excited to relay our plans for the week. 

BFF: "And then on Thursday, we can go TUBING!!"

Me: "Tubing?"

BFF: "Yes! It will be so fun! The water's so warm."

Me: "In the ocean?"

BFF: "No, silly, in a river. It's super cool."

Me: "Um... isn't that where the alligators are?" 

I should pause here and mention that my favorite hobby is assessing risk. I'm hyper aware of any predators in the environment at any time and my first thought, when I think "ocean" is "oh no, that is the SHARK'S house. NOPE." 

It's a well-known scientific fact that predators are allowed to eat whatever walks into their house. Like the famous quote from this lady, "if you're in the shark's house, you're on the PLATE."

Now, sharks may live in the ocean but all other bodies of water in Florida are owned by alligators and crocodiles. 

I have no idea how to tell them apart, however, and never will, unless one of them develops some obvious and more terrifying characteristic which sets it apart. But since BOTH have gigantic teeth and stomachs and are capable of swallowing a full-grown human, I can't seem to retain any other information.

If jawlines differ, they don't seem to do so in a way which inhibits the eating of people, so my brain has lumped them both into the same category: MONSTER.

This is to make sure I do not say yes to dangerous activities, like tubing on rivers in Florida.

Anyway, back to our convo. I asked again:

Me: "Isn't that dangerous?"
BFF: "Nah, people do it ALL the time."
Me: Are you SURE it's safe? I mean... see Exhibit A:

Look, I don’t need to tempt anything that might want a snack by settling onto an inflatable piece of plastic and dangling my rear into the water like bait.

Luckily, she decided to "pivot" to another activity instead and I lived to tell this story. No tubing for me! (At least not in rivers with dangerous things... turtles are fine! Even the snapping ones don't go out of their way to attack, just defend. We can coexist peacefully then.)

Stay safe!!